Q: If a Mormon couple adopts children, can they be sealed into an eternal family?
A: Absolutely! Any child legally adopted can be sealed to their family in the temple. I know of families who have all adopted children and some who have adopted one and added to their other children. It’s wonderful that our earthly families can be our eternal families.
We often receive questions from readers in our question box at right. We have had several asking about romantic relationships between Mormons and non-Mormons and what they should do about it. It’s our policy not to become involved in personal problems since we are not an advice column, but we do want to give some general principles touching this topic from an LDS perspective. If you have a question that isn’t addressed here, ask about it in the comment section.
This was a question from a reader named Jim:
I have a general question…
I currently find myself in a rather difficult situation where I (a non member) of the Church of LDS have fallen for a devout believer. This is not a whimsical interest, we have known each other for nearly a year now, it is also a mutual interest, we have discussed our feelings for each and agree that there is a real potential for a relationship.
Now as I explained before she is a devout believer. This immediately creates some obvious obstacles given the fact that I am not a member, the main ones being:
No sex before marriage
No alcohol
No tea/coffee
Restricted activities on Sundays
Now I appreciate that these are only a few of the more general restrictions/guidelines that are in place. But we talked about them. Regarding the no sex before marriage I said why not give the relationship a go, then if in six months or so time we find out we are not that compatible, we could part, but if it is going very well we can continue. I have had sex before but have also been for long periods without it, and explained to her that if we were in a serious relationship that we both thought was heading somewhere I could handle holding off having sex until we were married. As for the other things, I feel confident that we could work around them.
Anyway, just as it looked like we were reaching a situation where we might be about to give things a go, she told me about the temple, and how in order to be sealed/united together in this life and the next you need attend a ceremony there after your civil marriage ceremony in order for this to happen. The catch…only LDS members can enter the temple. Now this seems to have put the brakes on anything potentially happening between us. She’s of the view (as am I) that if we start dating it would become fairly serious and could well lead to marriage, but that as I am not a member we would not be able to be sealed united at her temple. This idea crushes her I think. She is also concerned about the difficulties of raising a family (she wants four children) that has a parent who is not a member of LDS. She obviously wants to give her children the opportunity to join and is worried a non-member partner would make this difficult. I have tried saying that I don’t think this would be such an issue, although not a member of LDS I do believe in god and live a clean lifestyle that would fit in with hers.
I think she is also worried that if she did have a crisis of faith, having a husband who was not a member would be difficult as he would not understand what she was going through and offer support/advice etc. on the subject.
So anyway, I have rambled on long enough, but I do have a couple of questions for you…
1) Is there any way of being sealed/united together in life without going through a temple
2) Are there strictly no exceptions whereby a non member could enter a temple?
3) And thirdly what sort of general advice could you give us concerning the situation we find ourselves in?
Thanks for your help
-Jim
Here is my response:
Jim, thank you for your question. You seem to be very understanding and willing to be patient. I can’t say there are any easy answers, though.
1) Is there any way of being sealed/united together in life without going through a temple?
You can be united together in life without going through the temple, because the church recognizes all legal civil marriages as binding for the duration of life, “as long as you both shall live.” And such a relationship can be very rewarding, but the problem (as you already know) is that it falls short of the goal your paramour has dreamed of since she was young: “For time and for all eternity.”
It’s a powerful motivating force in my life. My family plans on being together forever, and because of that we are interested in creating worthwhile bonds now. It also helps us make good decisions in other areas of life, since we don’t want to diminish the family by letting our standards slip and losing our promise. The promise is obtained through covenant with God and is known as “sealing.”
The ordinance of sealing is only performed in holy temples by men who have been authorized by God. It isn’t available anywhere else.
2) Are there strictly no exceptions whereby a non-member could enter a temple?
It’s a lovely thought to want to have this ceremony for the sake of your girlfriend, but even if you had the sealing, without you believing in it and devoting yourself to it, there is no more promise in it than a civil marriage.
Only those who have prepared themselves in every way may enter the temple, and this includes baptism for remission of sins by an authorized priest, and reception of the Holy Ghost. It also includes an interview with a Mormon bishop to ascertain faithfulness (do you hold to chastity, honesty, temperance, etc?). You must also be willing to enter into certain covenants with the Lord.
In short, even just being a member is not enough to enter the temple. I’m sorry. There are no exceptions allowing anyone unprepared (including non-members) into a temple.
3) And thirdly what sort of general advice could you give us concerning the situation we find ourselves in?
There are three distinct scenarios I can see. It depends on how strongly you and she are willing to pull.
#3 (split up) will happen if you decide against converting and she doesn’t give up her desire for eternal family. You might each still find a mate compatible with your ideals, so it’s not all bad, but obviously not what you want to hear.
#1 (civil marriage) is a possibility. A quick visit to the local Justice of the Peace will have you married in the eyes of the law. Plenty of latter-day saints belong to part-member families and many have found a way to “make it work,” but the heart of the issue isn’t the same as any other interfaith marriage. It goes beyond being able to understand your spouse’s religion and deciding on where to take the kids on Sunday. To a Mormon, marriage itself is a fundamental part of the gospel and the crowning glory associated with salvation.
She would see a civil marriage as compromising her long-standing commitment to herself and to God to be sealed for all eternity. It would certainly be difficult for her, as you pointed out, Jim. She may harbor secret hopes that you will eventually come around and join the Church after perhaps years of marriage; also, after your death she may wish to have you sealed to her by proxy — after a baptism for the dead. But even that is contingent on your posthumous desire for it. If you didn’t want it in life, it’s unlikely you’ll change your mind the minute you die. And without your permission, it will not be binding.
I do not endorse a civil interfaith marriage with a Mormon. Not for you or anyone that is in any position to choose it. The Mormon usually leads life pining for a relationship with eternal promise and despairing that it isn’t happening; often they let themselves slip away from God. The non-Mormon feels constant pressure to convert and becomes annoyed that the problem doesn’t go away. I’ve seen too many problem relationships. If this heartache can be prevented, I advocate preventing it.
Such a marriage does not solve the problem you are facing right now, Jim. It only delays solving it. It will present you every morning with the same dilemma: ask her to surrender hope for an eternal family, get yourself to convert, or dissolve the relationship. Avoiding the question is to choose the first option.
#2 (eternal marriage) can happen if you allow yourself to investigate the religion seriously. This is the path that I advise. Invite the missionaries over for a few lessons and read the Book of Mormon with them. After learning a bit more about the Church and understanding why we believe the things we do, you might find your original notions of Mormonism misplaced. People usually find the missionaries’ lessons much more substantive and credible than they anticipate.
You indicated that you have faith in God, which is essential. Believe that He will answer your prayers, and ask Him whether you should join. Believe that He will give you the desire for eternal family that will lead you to unite with her forever.
Jim, I hope I’ve added some clarity to your dilemma. I hope you can see it from her side as well. Meditate on it and pray for guidance. I know the Lord will answer. He answers my prayers frequently.
I’d also invite you to look around at our website. You might find some more answers there. And you are always welcome to email me directly. In fact, I’d very much like to know what you decide.
-Thaddeus
Q: Can Mormons support their view of a pre-existence with God before being born on this earth…using scriptures only?
Ecclesiates 12:7 (italics added) Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.
Jeremiah 1:5 (italics added) Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.
Jude 1:6 (italics added) And the angels which kept not their first estate, but left their own habitation, he hath reserved in everlasting chains under darkness unto the judgement of the great day.
Revelation 12:7-9 (italics added) And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought againts the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels, and prevailed not; neither was their place found any more in heaven. And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.
Abraham 3:22-24 (italics added) Now the Lord had shown unto me, Abraham, the intelligences that were organized before the world was: and among all these there were many of the noble and great ones. And God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said: These I will make my rulers; for he stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me: Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast chosen before thou wast born. And there stood one among them that was like unto God, and he said unto those who were with him: We will go down, for there is space there, and we will take of these materials, and we will make an earth whereon these may dwell;
It is clear from just the Bible that there was a “pre-existence” where we, as spirits, lived with God. The scripture that God has given us through Joseph Smith (I picked only one) confirms this doctrine. Thanks for your inquiry.
Q. What happens if someone vicariously performs a sealing for a deceased couple that doesn’t want to be sealed together?
First, to understand this situation, an understanding must be had of sealing and of work for the dead.
Briefly put, sealing is the term used for being married in the temple. It is an ordinance performed that binds a man and woman together not just til “death do they part”, but for time and all eternity. Read more about this subject here.
The word “vicariously” in the question refers to the fact that God has given man power to perform sacred ordinances for the dead who did not receive those ordinances while they were alive. Thus, as Paul alludes to in I Corinthians 15:29, we can be baptized for those who did not receive that opportunity during their time on Earth. Similarly, we can perform sealings for deceased couples. Read more about this subject here.
On to the question at hand. What if that couple who is sealed together didn’t want to be sealed together? Are they going to have to just put up with each other F-O-R-E-V-E-R? For instance, if King Henry VIII was vicariously sealed to his wife Anne Boleyn, would she just have to overlook the cruelty and death she suffered at his hand? No. Common sense and truth coincide nicely for us here. As lds.org, the official website of the church, explains:
Some people have misunderstood that when baptisms for the dead are performed, deceased persons are baptized into the Church against their will. This is not the case. Each individual has agency, or the right to choose. The validity of a baptism for the dead depends on the deceased person accepting it and choosing to accept and follow the Savior while residing in the spirit world. The names of deceased persons are not added to the membership records of the Church. (cited from this webpage, under heading entitled “Additional Information”)
But I say, to avoid any such confusing situations, how about we all just love our spouses and desire to be with them for eternity? In fact, if you, my article-reading friend, happen to be married I challenge you, right now, to think of one nice thing you can do for your spouse today. Now go and do and have a wonderful day.
The atonement of Jesus Christ is the single most important event that has or ever will occur in the existence of the earth. Through this incomprehensible act of self-sacrifice, mercy satisfies the absolute demands of justice required by broken commandments of God (Alma 34:15-16). Atonement literally means to set at one. The atonement of Jesus Christ reconciles all things that have estranged us from the Father. Thus, only through the atonement of Jesus Christ can we be brought back into full favor with the Father (John 14:6). When we come before God to be judged, Christ will plead our case before Him and if we have been true and faithful, the Father will accept his Son’s sacrifice in our behalf (D&C 45:3-5). By being set at one with the Father we are granted innumerable blessings — we become perfect in every way, just as Christ and the Father are perfect (John 17:20-23; D&C 35:2; Hebrews 2:10-11; Revelation 21:6-7).
The Act of the Atonement
The pinnacle and defining event of Christ’s ministry on this earth was when He bowed beneath all of the sins and imperfections that we as God’s children have experienced or will experience. From the time that He knelt in the Garden of Gethsemane to the time that He said “it is finished” on the cross, the entire world hung in the balance. Our very souls, billions if not trillions of souls were at stake; He knew it and yet, He came off victorious. He drank from the bitterest of cups, not necessarily because He wanted to, but because He was willing to submit Himself to the will of the Father in all things. In order for us to be spared from destruction and eternal torment, it HAD to be done (Luke 22:41-42; Isaiah 51:22). What Christ did in those blood and tear-stained hours allows us and this world to exist (D&C 88:6-13, 50). It even gives Christ power over death and sin and allows the resurrection to happen (D&C 88:14; Alma 42:23). To contemplate the weight of this burden He bore is overpowering and yet to know that He personally atoned for my imperfections (Mosiah 15:10) causes “[my] heart to swell as wide as eternity” (Moses 7:41) in love and gratitude for Him.
In addition, when one considers exactly who Christ is, a God himself (Alma 34:9-14), and that he would condescend from his throne on high to submit himself to all of the suffering, torture, beating, and humiliation associated with the atonement, descending below all, just to save you and me is confounding to say the least. If even He who had all power over both heaven and hell could control himself in every way as He bowed beneath the rod of his own creations, then I too should be able to bite my tongue when I want to say something mean, or when I want to do something contrary to His commandments.
Our Part in the Atonement
All people who have lived on this earth are given the free gift of resurrection (Revelation 20:12-13), but for the atonement to have full power in our lives we must satisfy specific requirements (1 John 2:1-6). We need to believe that Christ’s atonement can cleanse us from our imperfections (Mosiah 15:10-13), and have a broken heart and contrite spirit before Christ (3 Nephi 9:19-20). In essence we need to “[become] as [children], submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things” (Mosiah 3:19). Furthermore, we must be baptized by immersion and receive the gift of the Holy Ghost by one who holds proper authority from God to perform ordinances in His behalf (St. John 3:5; Hebrews 5:1-4). All of these things show that we are willing to submit our will to the Father and that we want to follow Christ’s commandments (John 14:15). Our will is the only thing that we have that we can give to God. Everything else is already His. If we will completely submit our will to God just as Christ did, then the atonement of Jesus Christ can make us white as wool by washing our garments in the blood of the Lamb.
Although it may seem hard at times to live the way Christ asks us to live, he has promised us that if we yoke ourselves to Him, that it will be easy (Matthew 11:28-30). I can say from personal experience that this promise is true. Our part is to believe and live such that our lives are a manifestation of our belief that Christ can set us at one with the Father. While at times this may seem a heavy burden, Christ and his Atonement are there to help us in our journey. In addition, we have the Holy Ghost to provide comfort and encouragement that we are on the correct path.
More importantly though is whether or not we will accept this infinitely priceless gift into our lives by believing in the power that Christ gained over sin and death. If we do we will be spared suffering and be granted glory in the mansions of the Father (St. John 14:2, Enos 1:27). The mercy of this doctrine is profound — that “God so loved the world that he gave his Only Begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should never perish, but have everlasting life” (St. John 3:16).
The Atonement in Salvation
With regard to salvation, the atonement provides mercy or justice for all people who will fall into one of three categories. First, little children and those that do not know the law are redeemed (Mosiah 3:16, Moroni 8:12-13, D&C 29:46-47, 2nd Nephi 9:25-26, Mosiah 3:11). Second, those who do know the law and repent are saved from suffering for their sins (Mosiah 3:12; Alma 34:15-16; D&C 19:16). Third, those who do know the law of God and choose not to repent receive just punishment (Alma 34:16; Alma 42: 24; D&C 19:17-18; Isaiah 51:22-23).
I invite you: come unto Christ; come drink from a Fountain that is springing up unto everlasting life (St. John 4:14) and eat Living Bread (St. John 6:47-58). You will never hunger or thirst again. There is nothing, nothing, but peace, joy, and happiness to be found in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know this, because I have experienced it in my own life and continue to do so — I know the promises of God are sure and true.
See “The Plan of Salvation“