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Can Mormons get Divorced?

Q. Can Mormons get divorced?

The simple answer to the question is yes, but this is no place for a simple answer. Let’s expand the question to: “What is the religion’s stand on divorce?” The answer in this case is: The church wishes couples would work through their problems and stay married, but accepts the fact that divorce happens.

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Marriage is a multi-level arrangement. In our current society it is a symbol of true love, the establishment of a new household, a legal partnership, and an economic contractual relationship. In other cultures a marriage may be the combining of two families households, or the woman may be nominally sold into the keeping of her husband and his family. Due to the uneven or unequal potential in the marriage relationship, religions and social customs have attempted to modify the power of the husband over the wife. For example:

” Under Jewish law a man can divorce a woman for any reason or for no reason. The Talmud specifically states that a man can divorce a woman because she spoiled his dinner or simply because he finds another woman more attractive, the woman’s consent to the divorce is not required…This does not mean that Judaism takes divorce lightly. Many aspects of Jewish law discourage divorce… According to the Torah, divorce is accomplished simply by writing a bill of divorce, handing it to the wife, and sending her away. To prevent husbands from divorcing their wives recklessly or without proper consideration, the rabbis created complex rules regarding the process of writing the document, delivery, and acceptance. A competent rabbinical authority should be consulted for any divorce” (Judaism 101: Divorce).

When Jesus was being tempted by the Pharisees (Matthew 19), they asked him if it was lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause. He answered with two important statements; in verse 4 he replies, “Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female.” And then in verse 8, “He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.” [“Putting away” was another term for giving the wife a writing of divorcement.]
From his reply one could get the insight that God didn’t make one sex to rule over the other, he made them both, male and female and that what Jesus was hinting at was that equal regard should be given to both. From the second comment we can see that the cultural beliefs were pretty deeply embedded among the Jews and they probably weren’t ready for the introduction of a doctrine of equality of the sexes.

In our enlightened culture we have legally, at least, attempted to deal with both sexes equally. In the last 100 years laws have changed in most countries to allow marriages to be dissolved, the immediate result is generally a rapid increase in divorce as people free themselves from relationships that were not acceptable to one or both partners. Currently in America 50% of all marriages end in divorce. In a talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks, he tells of the sorry situation in the Philippines:

“When a marriage is dead and beyond hope of resuscitation, it is needful to have a means to end it. I saw examples of this in the Philippines. Two days after their temple marriage, a husband deserted his young wife and has not been heard from for over 10 years. A married woman fled and obtained a divorce in another country, but her husband, who remained behind, is still married in the eyes of the Philippine law. Since there is no provision for divorce in that country, these innocent victims of desertion have no way to end their married status and go forward with their lives” (Divorce, Dallin H. Oaks)

A cornerstone in Mormon doctrine is the concept of the free agency of the individual. If the church were to make a hard and fast rule or policy condemning divorce then members of the church would be in similar circumstances as people in the Philippines. They wouldn’t be able to remain members in good standing while attempting to deal with life’s problems that a bad marriage might present. The church has increasingly spoken out on the issue of divorce. Elder Oaks continues:

“I have felt impressed to speak about divorce. This is a sensitive subject because it evokes such strong emotions from persons it has touched in different ways. Some see themselves or their loved ones as the victims of divorce. Others see themselves as its beneficiaries. Some see divorce as evidence of failure. Others consider it an essential escape hatch from marriage. In one way or another, divorce touches most families in the Church. Whatever your perspective, please listen as I try to speak plainly about the effects of divorce on the eternal family relationships we seek under the gospel plan. I speak out of concern, but with hope.”

Many other leaders have spoken on the subject, for further material please go to LDS.org and search under “divorce”. A general attitude of the church leaders is that two rational people should be able to work through problems if they pray for guidance, are humble, and are willing to work hard to preserve their marriage. As Elder Oaks says, “A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.” However it is not advocated that a person should stay in a marriage that is abusive or dangerous. Since the church has emphasized family so much in the last half century there is a feeling that divorced people are somehow failures and don’t fit the mold. In the past decade there has been a greater effort toward greater inclusion and acceptance of people who are divorced.

Happy marriages take time and effort

Temple marriage adds yet another level in the complex relationship of a marriage. It secures for the married partners certain blessings and expectations, including the promise that the marriage will last beyond the grave. Marital fidelity is stressed and expected. Sadly, some of these marriages end up in divorce as well. Individuals that have gotten a civil divorce can also apply for a temple cancelation of their marriage. For anyone in that situation your local bishop can provide you with more information. For those not in that situation, don’t worry about it, just live up to the covenants made, whether civil or religious. Give 100% to improving the marriage, treat your partner with respect and love, and you will grow as an individual as well as a couple in the greatest adventure you’ll ever embark on.

A New Years’ Resolution

Happy New Year! About this time of year, many people get excited about the new year. A new year can be a new beginning and an excellent point to check life’s milestones, past goals and access one’s personal situation in life. It doesn’t necessarily take a new year to do this, but it seems like a good time to start anew. Coming up on this new year, I have heard and listened to a few people talk about their resolutions and others (at church, for example) speak about how best to go about fulfilling those resolutions because, let’s face it, everyone has had goals that were never completed and that were eventually discarded. This year, I’m thinking about a new approach.

Whether it is dieting, taking up a new hobby, catching up on reading or starting an exercising routine, change can be difficult. Getting into the habit can be the hardest part and discouragement can often take place soon after beginning and possibly soon before ending for good.

But how about this for a new years’ resolution: a surrendering of one’s will completely and wholly to the Lord. That’s a worthy goal, is it not? It goes along with Christ’s injunction, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it” (Matthew 16:25). Should we find ourselves lost in the cause of Christ, our will being given to Him, we will find our life, that is, eternal life. No doubt He has our best interests in mind and would not lead us astray; why not follow Him?

More practically, however, we find ourselves less able to follow through with this than often we would like. Why is that? What prevents us from keeping in line with His teachings? Often, I find myself thoroughly dedicated at one moment, but then find my resolve slipping and my condition back to what is once was. Yes there are temptations but ought not we to be able to overcome such?

The rich young ruler There are a few reasons for this, and I’d like to address one in particular. I have found in my own life, that even though my desire to improve is pure and my resolve strong, there are weaknesses because I am not thorough enough and there is usually something else in which I allow myself indulgence. How can I receive full strength from the Lord in breaking a bad habit when I willfully allow myself to continue in other habits. Maybe those habits aren’t even so bad. A bit of impatience toward a stranger. A little dishonesty. Or even just a few hours wasted in front of a TV or computer, time that could be spent being more productive. Moreover, the pride in me says that I can do these things and nothing bad will come of it because they are so small and insignificant. The temptation to keep doing these things is there while I make an attempt with my new resolution and I am weakened because my will isdivided. My new years’ resolution then is to be undivided.

If you want to apply this principle in your life, go ahead! The way is clear for anyone to do so. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, we have taken on a covenant, or a promise with God, that we will be willing to take upon ourselves Christ’s name, keep His commandments and always remember Him. There is no division or conditions in those words. Submit our will to adopt His name, keep the commandments, always remember Him. That is my goal this year and I invite everyone to do the same. Really and truly apply the phrase, “What Would Jesus Do?” in your life. Is it a sacrifice? Indeed it is. But it is worth every bit.

Agency in the Eternities

Q. Why didn’t God create all His children to be like Christ?
This is a very good question, if we are all God’s children and He has created us, why do we have imperfections and Christ did not have any? Also related to this question is another we received, “Do Mormons believe that some people are better than others?” To answer these questions, I would like to go far back to before this world was created, when we all lived as spirits in the presence of our Heavenly Father.

First of all, it is important that we believe that God did not create us out of nothing, but rather He organized our intelligence into a spirit body. We do not know the nature of this intelligence, but it is an eternal part of our nature and being.

To the prophet Jeremiah, the Lord said, “Before I formed thee in the belly, I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb, I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5 That is to say, the Lord knew Jeremiah even before his birth. He knew his strengths, his weaknesses, his personality and his potential. That also means that Jeremiah, as all the rest of us, had developed those traits by that point.

Bruce R. McConkie (1915-1985) of the twelve apostles wrote the following about how we came to be as we are:

“All the spirits of men, while yet in the Eternal Presence, developed aptitudes, talents, capacities, and abilities of every sort, kind, and degree. During the long expanse of life which then was, an infinite variety of talents and abilities came into being. As the ages rolled, no two spirits remained alike. Mozart became a musician; Einstein centered his interest in mathematics; Michelangelo turned his attention to painting. Cain was a liar, a schemer, a rebel. … Mary and Eve were two of the greatest of all the spirit daughters of the Father. … And so it went through all the hosts of heaven, each individual developing such talents and abilities as his soul desired.” (The Mortal Messiah, 4 vols. (1979–81), 1:23.)

It then follows that each individual chose a path before this life and through diligence and care to follow our Father’s guidance, each individual grew to varying degrees. The reason, then, that Christ is perfect and was able to fulfill His Father’s will perfectly in carrying out the Atonement was because He used his agency, or ability to choose, more wisely than others. He became like His Father.

The Book of Abraham gives a rare description of Jesus in the pre-earth life:

“And there stood one [Christ] among them that was like unto God, and he said unto those who were with him: We will go down, for there is space there, and we will take of these materials, and we will make an earth whereon these may dwell; And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.” Abraham 3:24-25

That ability to choose is still available for us in this life and is the very reason that we are here. Every day we have the choice between following our Savior, Jesus Christ, and otherwise. Thus, through our choices, one person can excel in music, another in athletics, another in science and another in kindness, love or patience. Others can choose not to excel or to develop traits of laziness, procrastination and anger. Our options and potentials are limitless in either direction and everyone has parts of both.

The atonement of Jesus Christ plays the greatest part in our development. It is through His grace that we can correct our faults and that He can heal our wounded hearts. And then through His guidance, we will grow and choose the good, better, and best things in our lives.

What Do Mormons Believe? – Choices

Q. Do Mormons believe in making their own choices?

After a recent conversation on this blog under the “Salvation” post, I came to understand that Mormons and other Christian faiths don’t always share the same views on the topic of making choices.

I have thought about this question for the last few days and I realize that it merits more explaining; however, I want to keep my answer to this specific question concise, so I have decided to write another post that will be posted shortly. It will explain more in depth our doctrine of making choices. I do this, because from our perspective the ability to freely make choices is crucial to our salvation. I don’t think many understand how important the ability to freely choose is. It’s fundamental to the very purpose of life.

To answer the above question, yes Mormons believe in making their own choices. The Doctrine and Covenants (part of our open canon of scripture) is a collection of revelations that Joseph Smith received. I quote from Section 58, verses 26-28 (italics added):

26 For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.
27 Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;
28 For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.

We believe that we are free to make any choice. God may encourage us, just as Satan may tempt us; nevertheless, the choice is ultimately ours and we must take personal responsibility for our actions. We are never forced. “The devil made me do it” is never a valid excuse for wrong-doing. It should be stated that there are consequences with every choice. As stated in the above scripture, choosing to do the right will bring good results. Conversely, choosing that which is not right will bring undesirable consequences.

Furthermore, we believe that our choices are what God will judge us by. We believe that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is what will save us. Nevertheless, we must consistently make choices that are in alignment with the commandments of God and choose to repent and change when we make mistakes. In essence, we have to do our part by denying ourselves of all ungodliness while relying on the mercies and grace of God. By so doing, we believe that when we are judged by God, we will be found worthy of his kingdom. Not because we were perfect ourselves, but perfect in Christ (Moroni 10:32-33).

Why Illness?

Q. Why do we have illnesses and disabilities? How is this part of God’s plan?

-sunlize

coma I’ve been asked to address this issue, which was quite timely as I have been sick for over 2 months with some form of lung infection. It left me rather listless and weak. I hope that this will invoke more of a discussion rather than be viewed as the definitive answer. Why illness? – is a major issue that most religions have had to deal with: the fact that bad things happen is explained in various ways. The Taoists suggest that the opposition of Yin and Yang are what maintain a balance in the universe. The Hindu have a similar take with their idea of Karma. Many Christian faiths look at the misadventure in the Garden of Eden kind of like the opening of Pandora’s Box in Greek Mythology which released all that was bad into the world.

The LDS belief goes back a bit before the earth was formed and recognizes that there was spirit life in the pre-earth life and that these spirits had free will or moral agency. Agency to believe and to act is an enormous power, a power that can help us progress but also a power that can damn progression if poor choices are made. The first insight into the use of our agency as spirits was at a council held in heaven.

There was a disagreement about how the earth plan should operate: Lucifer wanted to take peoples’ agency away, and ensure that everyone would return to heaven–and he also wanted the glory for doing so. Jesus agreed with the Father’s plan that agency would be allowed and then volunteered to be the sacrificial lamb. One third of the hosts of heaven wanted the assurance which Satan proposed and followed him. They were expelled from heaven and forfeited the opportunity to receive a physical body. The rest of us accepted the Father’s plan which would allow all men to come back to God if they accepted Jesus and obeyed the commandments. They would receive bodies, learn to use their bodies to progress further and be resurrected with glorified bodies like our Father’s.

When Adam and Eve were created, the Tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil was made available along with a warning from the Father that they shouldn’t partake of the fruit. Satan beguiled the woman and she ate, followed by Adam eating of the fruit. God then expelled them into the world of hard knocks but with a knowledge of good and evil, an understanding that all things have their opposites and that choices are possible.

Obviously nobody chooses to get sick, yet people make choices that not only affect themselves but often affect many other people as well. Let’s look at an easy one: the recent AIDS epidemic. There are various theories of how that disease was introduced to the human race from animals. If some better choices had been made perhaps the disease wouldn’t have made the leap to humans. Its spread through bodily fluids can be controlled in most cases. So in the U.S. with a fairly small infected population a person can take precautions to keep himself free of the disease. In Botswana where 60% of the population is infected it is much more difficult: some children are even born with the disease. One might say that the individual baby had no choice and is being punished unjustly. From our earthly perspective that looks right, but our perspective is limited to this life and the assumption that living long and healthy is the ideal.

In John 9 Jesus comes upon a man born blind. His disciples ask him, “Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus replied that neither sinned but that the man was put there for the glory of God to be manifest. The disciples had the short perspective in this case assuming that since all sin is punished with suffering, all suffering was the result of sin; but there was a larger perspective which they hadn’t considered.

Job provides 39 chapters of argument about whether Job was guilty of sin which would help his friends explain the troubles that had befallen him. Finally even Job begins to fall into his friends’ way of thinking and questions the Lord. Chapter 40 is the Lord’s response which starts with the question: “Wilt thou also disannul my judgement? Wilt thou condemn me, that thou mayest be righteous?” He goes on to express the majesty and power of the Lord, pointing out the limited view that mankind has of the creations of heaven.

The LDS perspective on why illness and pain exist is that it is part of earth-life challenges. It helps us appreciate the good when we have experienced the bad. Some choices can be made to reduce illness in our lives but sometimes the illness is part of the curriculum of heaven to teach us lessons we might not otherwise get. The question might not be why there is illness, but rather how we handle the adversity.